I asked Sascha to write me a new English DJ biography in the same vein as the Hunters & Gatherers bio that he wrote about a year ago. He gave it to me today, I don’t think it could be much more perfect.

DJs come and go, pretenders to the throne all. Only the white wizard of the decks, DJ Just Charlie remains constant, weaving spells across three continents, raising the dead up on the dance floor and giving hope to the living. In DC, the locals forget about politics and spread the legend of their native son, Just Charlie. The pride of DC and the warlock of the East Coast came to the Far East in 2005 to study the crimson magical properties of ancient China and fuse them with the white magic of the West. Now armed with the twin blades of East and West lore, this DJ is nigh invincible. Dance floors rush up to greet him and revelers thank the Gods that finally, after waiting for so long, music to move the body is now available in the deep hinterlands of western China. Join us. Only thus can you transcend the daily grind and reach nirvana in the small hours of the night, in sweaty clubs, whirling to the twin decks of the mighty white wizard: DJ Just Charlie.

It is, of course, satirical. My previous bio which says that I was the first DJ on the moon is officially obsolete.